Tuesday, May 3, 2011


This is my first legit attempt at writing in a true free-verse/free-style kind of slam-orientated piece.


So did you see everthing of me you wanted to see
when you asked through pixilated screens last spring

because I think I did show you
all that I could

and I asked you if you wouldn't play your games anymore
I didn't want your revolving door kind of shit
I wanted you here in the now not in the back of my mind
and in the front of my heart like before

and you said that you would, you would, you would
you wanted in my mind, inside
so I broke the line I drew just for you
because this time you meant it

and you meant it because we both came out of a winter cold, hard, cynical, and loveless
and you were my thaw and I was your thaw
and we opened up in bloom, flumed with the colors of green and spring

Green at the park, we sat until dark
and I remember guardedly seeing your eyes look through mine
and I felt a spark in my head and in my heart
but I reservedly put it off and looked away
because it wasn't going to happen, wasn't going to happen, wasn't going to happen
not today

and then a few nights passed
and Green was my jacket, my shirt, and my eyes
as I waited for you and we walked
me cautionary and you unreserved
across train tracks and liquor bottles, up hills
and onto a couch where we talked to one another
for what could have been some time, I don't recall

a red couch
it wasn't green
you said something about a stupid picture
and I said something stupid about the picture
and you said with such a glow in your eyes and on your face
"you don't now"
and me looking at you with the same spark as before
and you leaned in

I think I thought
months and months and months and you just put off for four or five nights back
but here I am
we are
together on a spring evening, outside green, spring, my green jacket
and your brown eyes closed like mine
and hand in your hair, behind your ear; red couch
I think I was trembling

a combination of a warm feeling
parted with shaking joy and trembly voice
we stepped outside into the spring air

it's the kind of smell you forget how good it is until you step outside next year
before you light a cigarette and cloud the air brown
and it smells so fresh and green
full of life like nature is hopeful and happy to be rid of winter

you can almost smell the the new life

and we walked to an empty bus
and went to the back
plexi leather underneath my head
with yours above mine, my neck straining to keep our noses side by side
not thinking about anything

and there was a moon above the metal canopy over our bodies
full with white light that made the night bright through the foggy windows
and my neck hurt but I didn't care

sweet and bitter taste and I couldn't smell the spring air inside the buswarmth
I was beyond her flowery lotion; I could only feel her there
and with care we stayed for a fair bit of time sharing whatever we could
her hair would stray into my mouth until it would tear away


I fell away from that night lost somewhere between transverse and irreversible
irreversibly together, or something like it
and there was so much I wanted to say and ask before we left
and I laid in bed flipping moonlit thoughts with - for once in a night - a clear head
not spinning and not twisting and not fuzzy
and not a want for it

sometimes when you go to bed you get a poetic idea through your head
or melodic and lyrical and instrumental and transcendental
but they get shaken up with your dreams and you wake up thinking you know
know that you had something important in your head
but that you forgot it somewhere between the lightswitch and the pillow you rest on on your bed

and I'm sure that I had something like that
that I could say the next day when I saw your face and would make you brighten
and I could get close enough to you again to get past the flower lotion
bitter and sweet taste
there is an end to all this because there is an end to most things
and it isn't good but not much else is
so I can immortalize you in a good way with words
and I can leave out the rest of the bad
because putting that aside
times spent on grass under trees watching a street cleaner sweep white flowers off the pavement
while I sweep wet tears off your face with ethanol on our lips
and nights passed lying under the same roof on the same couch
with the windows open while a thunderstorm rages outside
with enough force to spray mist through the window-screen over our eyes
but the rest of us covered with blankets and our arms and petrichor 
warm because we're together and nothing else matters
makes all the bad worth the wait...even though lots of bad came after
I call it fate

Hindsight is a rosetinted glass
painting the past in brighter colors because time moved too fast

I don't know if I love you
I don't know if I loved you
I don't even know if love can be in past tense
but I know that I love the way you made me feel
and you might have been the love colored space holder in a place in my mind or chest that needed filling
but whatever it is or was it was real

You make me think of spring
and spring reminds me of green
The problem with it all I guess is that my eyes were green and yours were not
and I was doing a good job not thinking about you too much until the leaves started blooming again, in green flume

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